To whom it may concern: I'm not dead

I just have a consistency problem.

Well hello there, if you're still following this blog welcome back. Recently I let things slide a bit regarding the whole posting thing, although I do intend to get back to it. I've sort of been on empty. I also didn't have any time to write since we were driving all over and entertaining my best friend who came to visit for the holidays.

Also, it has come to my attention that during the holidays, people get totally shallow and apparently spend all their time with family and friends in "real life" (whatev) and totally neglect important things like reading my blog. Since I didn't have the time or energy to write anything anyway, I suppose I can't be too upset. Still it does sting to know that your blog is less important to someone than their kids or in-laws.

The other problem is I'm an artsy fartsy type. This can also be pronounced "manic." The truth is although I've had experience in painting, computer graphics, sculpture, photography, writing, film, television, screen printing, and a few other mediums, I find it impossible to stay wholeheartedly devoted to a single medium. I get consumed with a new process and throw myself in to it with unabashed fervor. Then a month or two later something changes and I totally lose my zeal. I lose all motivation. I move on to something new.

The only other option is to push through and keep at it until I find inspiration again. I've done this with a few things. Also, I usually find my way back around to rekindle the flame with past loves (like painting). All in all I'm an art slut. I can't keep it in my pants (brain) and I can't settle down with just one form of expression.

Since I'm an insecure, narcissistic artist, my loss of interest is sometimes fueled by a general lack of perceived recognition or success. This doesn't depend on any hard evidence mind you, but merely my subconscious belief that any endeavor to which I apply myself should result in instantaneous and overwhelming public acceptance, along with a private gallery feature, a swanky contract with an art agent and maybe a book deal, nothing major.

This obviously has never happened. It's silly to hope to be "discovered" because any success through art has to be scraped and twisted and wrenched from the world, it almost never falls into your lap and when it does it usually destroys the artist. It's grueling, tiresome, often bleak and usually tedious.

In order to be a successful artist you need a thick skin and enough hubris to choke an elephant. The problem is people who possess thick enough skin and the ability to navigate the seedy schmooze scene required to smarm your way into a creative career almost never have any real talent. (generally speaking, not in every creative field or in every artist)

This is a big part of why 3 out of 4 movies released today suck the big one. This is why commercials and television have become dumber and less original every year. All the people with something interesting to say are curled up in a fetal position somewhere. Because to be a great artist you have to let your guard down, you have to play and let yourself imagine and think like you were still a child.

The twisted part is once you've done all that creating and birthing of ideas you have to put your big boy pants on and head out into the cruel world to get spit on and rejected and blown off a million times before you catch a break. This breaks down the vulnerability you have to access in order to be creative.

Often, by the time an artist has made it to the top they are so exhausted and battleweary they can't even dip into that spring of inspiration because it's so covered in scars. Then you end up with crap product. This is most obvious with musicians because they are easily comparable between albums. The first is great, the second meh, the album after they go triple platinum, total shit.

So what's this have to do with blogging or my lack thereof? Nothing really. Except that blogging is cathartic and although I promised myself I wouldn't delve too deeply into negative boohoo realms on this blog, sometimes you gotta vent.

Really, this is more about the human condition than the artist's condition. Since we've all grown up in a world built on advertising and consumerism we see everything (especially ourselves) as a product. And the demand for that product is what quantifies it's worth. Blog stats, call backs, resume inquiries, your facebook friends, your HOTorNOT rating (yeh remember that shiz?), your blog followers, your ability to procure gainful employment. It's all just more rating systems. We all crave superficial validation, regardless of the rating system. If you don't, congratulations. Also, you're a big fat liar.

In case anyone misunderstood the intent of this post, since I have a tendency to get bunny trailed and later find my original thesis somewhere in Canada: I was not implying that I have lost interest in blogging because there aren't enough people reading. In truth, it's just that I'm lazy and have been more interested in other projects than writing about my lameness. Since I consider myself a visual artist and would never feel justified in calling myself "a writer" I don't feel as sensitive about who reads my blathering, it's much safer than trying to promote my photos and artwork.