The Dogs

Belated halloween awesomness post.

It's good to know that frat boys are still doin it up big fat douche style. This is Matt, from he got picked up for a DUI with twice the legal limit in his blood. He's also 19. I just want to point out a few fun facts.

1.) It's great to see that the Ashton Kutcher Moore, trucker hat jauntily cocked back and to the side look is still going strong. Even if it is in

2.) Nebraska. Of course. (Sorry if you're from  the cornhusker state, blame this guy, not me)

3.) To round out the scenario, Matthew, is 19, (I thought you were sposed to be 21 to drive drunk with a BAC of .2) was busted early Monday for DUI. He was driving...

4.) an F-150 (to go with the hat) Seriously dude? I like trucks. I drive a freaking truck. You couldn't afford a Hummer? Corvette? We need to come up with another economic option for douchebags to drive so I can stop getting lumped in with yahoos like this every time I climb in my GMC. (Which is a great truck btw. plug cough plug. How bout a sponsorship GMC? come on Beta Dad got pregnancy books.)

Congratulations Matthew, you've cause a collective wince in the face of every American who knows you could someday grow up to be president. That is if we start electing US citizens again. (Oh snap, Dubya B and Bambam reference at the same time?) Just kidding B.O. -Holy crap! Has no one else realized that the president's initials are BO?? Or are we just not allowed to laugh at this one? (fyi, this is the first and only political babble you will ever see on this blog. I can't stand talking politics)

To make sure that I wasn't just judging this poor kid by the cover -of his mug shot- (hey we've all heard "turn to the left" before right? right?) I plugged the name into facebook, and guess what? The guy has a page, and it's public. Here are a few illuminating quotes from his wall (He also "likes" a website that composes playlists to keep the roofies flowin all night). I give you the future of America:

"Just got my high school transcript so I could clear a prerequisite. MAAAAANNNN I sucked at high school!!!!! lol"  Yes Matthew, El Oh El it up. And don't forget to vote!

"So what do you call it when you can't get in to any schools in the state of California... oh that's right you call it GETTING F$%&ED IN THE A$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   No dude, you call it having terrible high school transcripts, no motivation and a penchant for frat parties and drunk driving.

"Go Huskers"

Anyway, the moral of this twisted rant? If you're gonna get loaded on Natural Ice and Popov, and then drive your F-150 home at 4 in the morning, maybe wear a suit so when people look at the picture they go huh? Not Oh, its that guy. On second thought, never mind, I take it all back. Keep being that guy, cause it makes you easier to spot from a long way out. And if America needs anything right now, it's a more efficient way of spotting that guy.

The whole story.
Halloween Reveler Dressed As Breathalyzer Busted For Drunk Driving | The Smoking Gun

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